(Scene is in Monica and Chandler’s home. In the nursery, Joey is gently rocking the twins’ bassinet to and fro. Enter Chandler.)
Chandler: How’s it going, Joe?
Joey (gleefully): Great! That’s the longest I’ve rocked the bassinet without waking them up! I think I finally am getting the hang of it!
Chandler (smiling): Nice.
(Glancing behind, Chandler cautiously closes the door.)
Chandler (in a low voice): Hey Listen, Joe. I know you’ve always been upset with us not trusting you with our kids, so tonight I’m gonna give you a chance.
Joey(excited): What do you mean?
Chandler: Well, Monica and I want to attend a special event at her restaurant. So we are gonna let you take care of our babies untill we get back.
Joey: That’s great! Oh, this means a lot to me, Thanks buddy!
(Hugs Chandler tightly.)
Chandler: You are welcome, Joe!
Monica and Chandler’s bedroom
(Monica is getting ready for the event. Chandler has just informed her about their babysitter for the evening.)
Monica (annoyed): You WHAT?!
Chandler: I had no choice! Rachel and Phoebe said they couldn’t come, Ross is saying he can’t make it in time, your parents are out of town and mine…Whoa! (Pausing suddenly)
Chandler (continuing): And, we really know only a few people on this planet! I never thought it would boil down to my parents!
Monica: So what do we do now?
Chandler: You know Mon, We wouldn’t have been talking about this if only we had hired a babysitter!
Monica(incredulous): Really? This is the time you choose for getting at me? We’ve discussed this, I’m not going to trust our babies to a random stranger!
Chandler (mumbling): It was not exactly a discussion, a speech more like…
Monica: Well, you knew what you were marrying into!
Chandler: Yeah… Why don’t we ask Grayson’s daughter?
Monica: But she’s really chatty!
Chandler: We could always cut to the chase!
Monica: Oh come on! We both know we can’t resist her chocolate chip cookies…
(Both get lost for a moment, their eyes glazed in imagination.)
Chandler: And with that hot chocolate…
(The dreamy look on their faces intensifies. )
Monica (snapping to reality): See? Simply thinking of asking her is wasting time!
Chandler : Right. Then Mr.Fredrickson’s son?
Monica : Who? That guy who breaks half the eggs so that they are scrambled even before we start preparing them?
Chandler: Alright! But why would you trust our neighbours’ kids more than Joey anyway? Like you said we hardly know them! You know that Joey won’t let anything happen to our babies while he’s watching them!
(A few seconds pass as Chandler gradually realised the flaw in his statement.)
Monica (sarcastic): You realise the flaw in the plan, big guy?
Chandler (hurries to get his mobile): I’ll check whether my parents are in town.
Scene resumes in Phoebe and Mike’s apartment.
(Mike is going through the mail. A particular letter has got his attention and the look on his face suddenly intensifies. Just then, Phoebe enters through the door and spots Mike.)
Phoebe (exclaiming loudly): How could you do this to me?
Mike (paling): What?! But I haven’t even told you anything about it!
Phoebe: Exactly! We had promised ourselves that it was a deal!
Mike (confused): When did we say that? I thought we were open to new opportunities!
Phoebe: We were, but just because I came ten minutes late doesn’t mean that you can seize it!
Mike (looking even more confused): What?! I haven’t seized it! In fact I was going to discuss with you right now!
Phoebe (puzzled): What? Hang on…
Mike: We aren’t talking about the same thing, are we?
Phoebe: Perhaps not… Let’s start over… I’ll go first!
(Going outside the door, Phoebe locks it behind her while Mike seats himself on the couch.)
Phoebe (her voice muffled by the door): Ready!
Mike: Scene 1, take 2… and action!
(Grabbing the door handle, Phoebe shakes it in vain. A few seconds later…)
Phoebe: Errrm, Mike?
Mike (hissing): That’s not what you were supposed to say!
Phoebe: I left my keys inside.
Mike (loudly, to no one in particular): Cut!
Monica and Chandler’s living room
Monica (freaking out): Okay, let’s just not go.
Chandler: What?! You know that’s not an option.
Monica: But we have no choice, Chandler!
Chandler: Mon, listen to me. Let’s atleast give him a chance!
Monica: Okay. Fine!
(Both head to the nursery only to find Joey dozing straight into the bassinet. Triumphant, Monica glares at Chandler in a way which says ‘I told you so’.)
Chandler (whispering): You know what? I think he is watching them really closely.
Monica (exasperated): Oh yeah?
(Monica raps her knuckles on the open door making Joey wake up in a single jerky motion.)
(Looks around and notices Monica and Chandler at the door)
Joey: Oh hey! Sorry, I kind of dozed off.
(Embarrassed, Chandler lowers his head in shame.)
(Just then a scrambling noise is heard from downstairs. A key is turned and the main door opens to reveal a petrified Ross rushing up the stairs.)
Ross (panting): Where’s the fire? Did you guys douse it? Oh I’m so glad to see that everyone is safe!
(Relieved, he hugs both Monica and Chandler.)
Chandler (confused): Fire? What fire?
Ross: Monica told me that the house had caught fire and that you guys were outside and couldn’t find the key! What is going on?
Monica (plastering a fake smile): Well, good news brother. There’s no fire!
Ross (look of confusion changing into annoyance): What! So you lied to me? Do you realise the danger I put myself in when I heard of this? I was driving at just 5 miles less than the maximum speed limit! I had to take the fourth gear!
Monica: That’s what normal people do, Ross!
Chandler: Why exactly did you lie to him?
Monica: So that he could be here in time!
Joey: Hold on for a second. So you made up all this just so that I won’t be alone with the twins? Is that it? You don’t trust me at all?!
Monica (beating around the bush): It’s not a question of trust, Joe. Because life isn’t that simple. Sometimes you have to make hard choices. (Now glaring at Ross) Choices like taking the fourth gear!
Ross: I still can’t believe you’d do that to me. Although I’m surprised that I did enjoy driving faster. Anyways, now that I’m here you need not worry. Because now everyone is in safe hands.
Monica: Thank you!
Ross (smug): After all, that’s what godfathers are for. To take care of the children who have been left alone by their parents.
Monica: Don’t make me feel more bad about it than I already am and excuse me?
Ross and Joey (in unison): I am their godfather!
Ross and Joey (Again together): What?! No you are not!
Chandler (smiling): I think we should give you boys a song.
Ross and Joey (looking daggers at Chandler): Shut up!
(Finally Ross speaks first.)
Ross: Of course its me, right Mon?
Joey: Tell him it’s me won’t you Chandler?
Chandler and Monica (in unison): We have to go!
(Head off while Ross and Joey lock eyes with each other challengingly)
Phoebe and Mike’s apartment
Phoebe (rattles her keys outside the door.): Ready!
Mike: And action!
(Phoebe unlocks the door and enters the room)
Phoebe: How could you open the mail without me? We had a deal to open it together!
Mike (mouth widening into an ‘O’): I’m sorry. But I’ve been expecting this mail for a really long time!
Phoebe: Fine. But before I continue, I want you to tell me what you thought I was thinking about.
Mike (pales): I…
Phoebe: Oh don’t you tell me forgot your lines again! We’ve already done 3 takes! I’ve got to finish shooting here and go elsewhere as well, mister!
Mike (sighing): Phoebe, this is serious.
Phoebe (eyes rounded): Oooh, I love drama takes. Just wait a second…
(Clueless, Phoebe begins searching through her purse.)
Mike (tongue tied): I…
Phoebe (interrupting): UhUh. Wait.
(Pulls out some eye drops and puts a couple drops in each eye)
Phoebe: It’ll help me cry. Okay, shoot.
Mike: I thought that somehow you came to know that I…
Phoebe (dramatising): That you?
Mike (Taking a deep breath): That I have received an offer to run one of the finest bars in New Orleans, and how badly I wanted to accept it.
Phoebe (Still under the impression that it was an act): Mike, all I know is that in your happiness lies mine.
(Moving forwards, she holds his hands.)
Phoebe (Drawing even closer): That your dreams and desire, I share. Mike, there is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for you.
Mike (softly and hopefully): So… that’s a yes?
Phoebe (look of confusion giving way to alarm): Yes? To what?!
Mike: Moving to New Orleans?
Mike (looking scared): But you just said it yourself!
Phoebe (voice steadily rising in pitch): I thought we were doing an act! We’ve been pulling this kind of stuff on each other everyday Wednesday! It’s drama night remember? You really meant all of this?
Mike (in a much smaller voice): Yes
Phoebe (practically screaming): Are you out of your senses, Mike Hannigan? Don’t you realise it is such a huge decision to make? It will change everything about our lives!
Mike: But didn’t you just say that in my happiness lies yours!
Phoebe (rolling her eyes and sighing): Oh Crap! It was just something that Joey and I practised for DOOL.
Mike (disgruntled): Including the kiss?
Phoebe (Getting lost in her thoughts): God I wish! ’cause he’s such an amazing kisser…
Mike (clearing throat): Pheebs?
(Uncomfortable, Phoebe is about to respond, when she receives a call.)
(She is met by a particularly loud female voice chattering relentlessly on the other end.)
Phoebe: All right, I’m coming! You don’t have to let the entire Street know that you’ve arrived on time for the first time in your life!
Phoebe (Terminating the call.): Mike, I have to go.
Mike: Pheebs but what about…
Phoebe: We’ll talk about this when I get back Mike, I promise. I’m sorry.
Mike (Getting up): Before you go Pheebs, I need you to know that I really mean what you just said. If you are not happy with this then we won’t go, but it really is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. So will you please just think about it?
Phoebe: Hang on… this is also real, right?
Phoebe (smiling understandingly): Of course I will, Mike.
(They kiss again.)
Phoebe (muttering to herself as she closes the door behind her): God, I do miss Joey.
Monica and Chandler’s living room
(Chandler and Monica are long gone. But Joey and Ross are still glaring at each other.)
Joey and Ross (in unison): I am!
(A few seconds pass before the same thing repeats itself. Irritated, Ross raises his hand to silence Joey before he begins speaking himself.)
Ross: You know what? This could go on forever. Why don’t we solve it in a more manly way?
Joey (glaring and nodding): I think I know exactly what you are talking about.
Ross (nodding): Then the game is on!
Chandler’s ‘man’s cave’
(The TV screen is displaying UFC. Both Ross and Joey are seated on the barcaloungers and have controllers in their hands.)
Ross: Okay. Now listen carefully. There will be 3 matches. And the one with the most wins is hereby declared godfather of the Bing twins.
(After shaking their hands, both enter their player names.)
Joey (confused): Trex? Is that even a name?
Ross: It is not Trex! It’s T ‘dot’ rex! Short for Tyrannosaurus Rex, the famous carnivore dinosaur. Your BigJoe will be eaten alive before he even knows it.
(Ross imitates jaws of the dinosaur to intimidate Joey.)
Joey (unfazed): Oh yeah? Well I think that your Trex will be extinct before my BigJoe even enters the arena!
(Ross is momentarily stumped as he realizes that the trash talk had worked against him.)
Ross: Enough talk, let’s fight!
(The game is on. Both guys are concentrating hard on the game. Joey has managed to deliver a hard punch to Ross.)
Ross: What! No! Not even on the game!
(A voice emanates from the game.)
PlayStation: Good hit by BigJoe there he sure made Trex bruise like a peach’.
Joey: Yeah baby!
(The game continues and the screen displays a 1-1 tie as the final death match begins. Both are shouting to their characters in excitement. Eventually however, Ross’s character falls down on the mat.)
(The scene now plays in slow motion as Ross exclaims a loud No and places his hands over his head in despair while Joey jumps in joy.)
Joey: Yes! There you go! I am now ‘The Godfather’
(Puffing out his chest and posing like Superman. Then, as though in cue, the twins are heard crying almost immediately.)
Ross: There you go, Godfather. Your first mission.
Joey (Posing as if he was about to fly): Godfather to the rescue!
Rachel’s new store
(Scene opens in a small, beautiful, yet unfurbished store. A ‘for sale’ sign is seen hanging on the glass door. Rachel enters it and is followed shortly by Phoebe.)
Rachel: So? What do you think?
Phoebe (glancing around the place): I think that it’s haunted!
Phoebe (whispering): If we stay really quiet, we can hear the footsteps.
Rachel (after listening for sounds intently for a few seconds): Oh come on, Phoebe! There’s no one here!
Phoebe: Follow me.
(Both walk towards the interior of the store and sure enough they hear a clicking sound off the wooden floor.)
Phoebe: See? It is coming closer! Let’s get away from here!
Rachel: Relax, Phoebe. It’s just the sound of my stilettos on the floor.
Phoebe (glancing down): Aahh! Now I know why the world was looking taller to me.
(Standing on her toes.)
Phoebe: Now we are even.
Rachel (hopeful): So what do you think of this place? Is it good?
Phoebe: Good? It’s amazing! The only reason someone would not buy this place would be if it were haunted which, (glancing downwards at Rachel’s feet) I don’t think it is!
Rachel: So you think I should do this?
Phoebe: Of course you should!
Rachel: And the location of this place is simply perfect! It’s not too far from our apartment, and it’s closer to Westchester and your spa is just a couple blocks from here! You guys can visit me all the time!
Phoebe (paling): Yeah…we can I guess…
Monica and Chandler’s living room.
(Ross is seated comfortably on the chair and is reading a magazine. The twins are still heard crying in the background. Enter Joey.)
Joey (rushing down the stairs): Rescue Godfather! Rescue Godfather!
Ross: Lost your powers huh big guy?
Joey: It’s not funny anymore! They simply won’t stop crying!
(Disgruntled, Ross still doesn’t move.)
Joey: Oh come on! Don’t be such a douche, you are still their uncle!
Ross (Getting up): You are right. I’m still their uncle.
(Both head to the nursery)
(Joey simply watches as Ross handles the situation like a pro and pacifies Jack in a minute. Ross hands him to Joey, who carefully takes him in his hands. Turning his attention to Erica, Ross success in pacifying her as well. She quietly watches Ross as he makes noises and amusing expressions to make her laugh.)
Ross: I’m sorry I made such a fuss about it, Joe. ’cause you are right. I’ll always be their favourite uncle.
Joey (clearing his throat and sitting beside Ross.): No, I’m sorry Ross. I think you should be their Godfather.
Ross (Grinning): Really?
Joey: Yeah. I mean look at how miserably I’ve failed today. You on the other hand have experience of raising two kids. You already are a great dad and I’m sure will make an even better Godfather.
Ross (smiling): Thank you. That sure means a lot to me as well.
(A few seconds pass as both watch the twins in silence.)
Joey (trying to keep his voice low): Oh my God, will you look at that! Jack is smiling at me!
Ross: You sure? ‘Cause they tend to do that all time. It creeped me out the first time! ‘cuz it’s almost as if they can read your thoughts and say, ‘Really? You?!’
Joey: No, this is different! He is looking in my eyes!
Ross (glancing over): Oh, yeah! My God, that’s precious!
Joey (emotional): It sure is.
(Glancing at the pair, Ross makes a quick decision.)
Ross: You know what, Joe? We’re being stupid about this.
Joey (puzzled): What do you mean?
Ross: I mean there are two kids, and we are two people!
Joey (nonplussed): Where are you going with this?
Ross: Why don’t we become the Godfather of a twin each? You be Jack’s Godfather, I’ll be Erica’s!
Joey (excited): You sure?
Ross: Yeah, why not?
Joey (forgetting to lower his voice in his excitement): You heard that Jack? I’m going to be your Godfather!
(Woken up by his voice, Jack begins to cry again)
Ross (Taking Jack from him): Yeah, he heard you!
Rachel’s new store
(Monica and Chandler walk in through the door followed shortly by Ross and Joey who are pushing the stroller together and looking at each other with newfound respect.)
Monica: Will you two stop acting like a gay couple? I’ve had enough of it with Chandler already!
(Embarrassed, Both Joey and Ross release their hands from the stroller.)
Ross and Joey (in unison): Sorry!
Chandler: This sure is an amazing place!
Monica: So? When is the grand opening?
Rachel: It’ll still take a month or two, I guess… there are a lot of things to do. I’m glad you guys love the place.
(Everyone begins exploring the place. Meanwhile, Phoebe decides that it was time to discuss the possibility of her moving out of the city.)
Phoebe: Guys? Listen… I have an announcement to talk to make.
Monica (with glee on her face): You do? Me too!
Phoebe (surprised but more than willing to delay the inevitable): Okay, You go first then.
Monica (excited): Okay! You won’t believe what happened today at the event! But it’s true, so you’d better believe it! My boss that is to say, the owner of Javu sadly passed away just a week ago…
Ross: You don’t look sad!
Monica (trying to sober up): Well I tried, but how can I be when his will states that he wants me to own Javu after he passes away?
Everyone: That’s amazing! Congratulations!
(All join into a group hug surrounding Monica)
Monica: Thank you! Oh tonight’s been the best night of my life! I hope that it stays like this forever!
Phoebe (whispering to herself): Me too…
Final/ Credits scene
(Ross is seated on the couch on the living room when he receives a call from Joey)
Ross: Hey Joe, What’s up?
(Pausing to listen to the other end)
Ross: I’m sorry I don’t think I’ll be there in time. You go alone!
(Pauses to listen again)
Ross (alarmed): What?! Are you serious?
(As Ross continues to listen though, his expression changes from worry to wry amusement.)
Ross: I’m still not coming. No, I didn’t catch your bluff when you said you had got burns. I had listened enough when you told me the ice rink had caught fire.
(End of scene)
(End of episode)