Ross: Yes, Rach?
Rachel: I really think we should find her another age appropriate song. Because I swear that she misses out the ‘er’ on purpose whenever she means to say butter.
Ross: But it’s the only thing that works on her!
Rachel: I know. God! It’s so embarrassing!
Ross: Our baby embarrasses you?!
Rachel: No! Well yeah… she was crying nonstop at my mother’s place last night, so my mom called me to calm her down…
Ross (smiling, as he could very well imagine what must’ve happened next): Aaand?
Rachel: I sang her baby got back unaware that the baby monitor was on so my mother heard what ‘magic words’ (air tags) I said!
Ross: Yeah, that must’ve been embarrassing! (now laughing)
Rachel: Well you started it, Geller! You tell me!
Ross: Just look at her Rach, she’s so much like both of us! She has your hair, my eyes. And not just physically! I mean remember her first word was Gleeba? She’s so going to be a scientist! Just like daddy!
Rachel (sadly): Oh yeah…
Ross: And she can’t sleep without listening to the asses! She is gonna be a slutty one!
Rachel: What?! You think I’m a slut? (Completely ignoring the fact of how inappropriate Ross’s comment had been)
Ross (awkwardly): Well you were in high school…
Rachel: Even then, believe me it was not my lullaby! Oh wait… was it?…
Scene resumes outside Monica and Chandler’s new home in Westchester.
(Ross and Rachel are standing on the doorstep.)
Ross: Beautiful place, isn’t it?
Rachel: Yeah. It seems all so grown-up now you know? Having Friends in a suburban home with kids? God, we’ve aged in the last week.
Ross(Smiling): Yeah. I had actually dreamed of this life with Carol a long time ago. Then with you, then it just… blurred out.
Rachel(Smiles understandingly): I know.
Rachel(Surprised): For what?
Ross: To knock on Monica and Chandler’s door for the first time ever?
Rachel(Smiling and relieved): Sure.
(Ross knocks. Rachel notices a doorbell and rings it too)
(An old man appears on the door)
Rachel: Gosh, how slow did you drive, Ross?
Old man (Smiles): He’s right in. I’m his new neighbour, Grayson. Came in to say hi.
Ross(Extends hand): Oh nice to meet you.
(They shake hands and the man smiles and leaves.)
Rachel: Oh, the people here are so friendly!
Ross(Sadly): My neighbours still call me cheapstakes…
Rachel: I thought they called you ‘Gel-err’?
Ross: That is actually the most polite they get!
Rachel: Oh look! They’ve painted this wall purple! Just like the apartment! Aww… that’s so nice!
Ross: Oh, I don’t know… it doesn’t go well with the rest of the house.
Rachel: Don’t be such a killjoy, Ross! Where are these guys by the way? Monica? Chandler? We’re here!
(A voice from the kitchen- In here! and an incoherent mumbling from upstairs is heard in response. Recognizing their best friends, Rachel heads towards kitchen and Ross upstairs. Follow Rachel into the kitchen.)
Rachel: Hey, Mon!
Monica (dicing vegetables): Hi, Rach!
(Rachel waits for her to continue. But Monica simply returns to work.)
Monica (slightly bugged): So…?
Rachel (obviously unhappy with her friend concentrating more on her work): Nothing…
Monica: You are kinda in my way…
Rachel (Surprised): What?!.. In your way! That is what I get after not seeing you for a week?!
Monica: Look, my parents are here for dinner, and this is going to be my first time hosting them at our new home.
Rachel(missing the point): So, what do you want me to do?
Monica(irritated): You’ve got two options, Lady! You can either help me prepare dinner in time or get out of my way! Standing right in the middle is not an option!
Rachel: Wow, you’re mean in Westchester!
(heads off, while Monica mocks her behind her back)
Chandler’s ‘man’s cave’
(Seated on identical barca loungers, Ross and Chandler are playing video games. Rest all the mess is purely up to reader’s imagination!)
Ross: Fight! Fight! Come on Rossatron!
Chandler (mocking): That’s right! Don’t let him shield! That’s the only thing he does!
Rachel (entering the room and standing right in front of the screen): Oh my God! I can’t believe Monica let you have a whole room!
Ross & Chandler (in protest): Hey! Whoa!
Chandler: Get Outta here!
Rachel (snapping): Fine!
(Definitely pissed this time, Rachel enters the nursery where Jack and Judy Geller are seated comfortably with a baby in their arms.)
Judy: Hello dear, how are you?
Rachel: Oh, I’m fine Judy, thank you! Aww… who is this sweet little bun?
Jack: These are Harmonica’s twins.
Rachel (smiling): I meant is it Jack or Erica?
Jack (Checks under diaper): I have Erica so he is Jack Jr.
Judy: I already knew I had baby Jack.
Jack: How? I’m still finding it difficult to differentiate between the two. God only knows how Chandler does it…
Judy: Because he’s so handsome just like his grandfather
Jack: Actually I think Erica is more beautiful just like her Granny…
Judy: Oh, Jack…(Blushing)
(Rachel is flustered by the direction of the conversation. Fortunately the doorbell rings and she gladly excuses herself and heads downstairs and opens the door. Enter Phoebe and Joey.)
Rachel: Oh hey! Come on in!
Joey: Did you notice I knocked?
Phoebe: And I rang the doorbell!
Rachel: Yeah, Me and Ross found it new too. Oh, I’m so glad you’re here! I was actually looking forward to some alone time with Mon but God she’s mean in Westchester!
Monica (from the kitchen): I heard that!
Rachel: Yeah the doorbell she is deaf to but this she hears!
Monica (entering the living room): I’ve been your roommate for too long Green. Bet I can predict every word you say! Welcome home, guys.
(Hugs Phoebe and Joey)
Rachel (upset): Okay, so was that only for me?
Monica: Oh no sweetie! I was just off schedule.
Rachel: By how much?
Monica: 55 seconds…(In a Monica way when she’s a tad embarrassed by her obsessions)
Rachel: See! There’s my Mon! All back! (hugging her)
Phoebe: Oh wow, you painted this wall purple! That’s so sweet!
Joey (confused): Purple? Who paints their walls purple?!
(All glare at him and then the look of realisation dawns slowly on Joey’s face)
Joey (Embarassed): Yeah, Ahemm. Very nice
Monica (to people upstairs): Dinner’s ready guys!
(Shouts and Protests from upstairs)
Monica: It’s now or never, people!
(A moment’s silence follows as they contemplate.)
Ross and Chandler (still upstairs): In a minute!
Monica (glancing around the room): Oh you guys brought housewarming gifts! Oh so sweet of you!
(She is twitching with the desire to open them.)
Rachel: Wanna see what’s inside?
Monica (rubbing her palms): Oh so badly!
Phoebe(mischievously): But dinner’s getting cold! You are getting off schedule!
(Monica seems to be making Sophie’s choice.)
Rachel: Oh I can’t watch her like this! Go ahead Mon, open them up!
Monica: Promise you won’t judge?
All: Of course!
(Monica grabs a present.)
Monica (reading aloud): From Armani cut off RKG? (Puzzled)
Rachel: Open up… you’ll understand.
(Monica opens the present, which is a red flowing dress, labelled RKG)
Rachel: You like it? I have had it made on urgent order so it might not be per…
(Her speech is blocked by Monica hugging her rather tightly.)
Monica: It’s amazing! Oh, I’m so sorry I was a jerk earlier today.
Rachel (wheezing): I can’t breathe…
Monica (loosening her hold on Rachel and blushing): Sorry…
Rachel (smiling, recovering): It’s fine. No fake labels this time.
(Both are glancing and smiling at each other, oblivious to others in the room.)
Chandler (Clearing his throat): From Ross… whoa it’s heavy! Not a fossil I hope! (only half joking)
(Chandler opens up the present. They are twin curtains, thick and heavy. Both Monica and Chandler are slightly puzzled.)
Ross: I don’t want your new neighbours to undergo the torture I went through on certain occasions. Pressing on windows, honestly Chandler?
(Both Monica and Chandler awkwardly gaze at each other.)
Joey: Torture?! Your whole building said they were gonna miss the 9:15 balcony show!
Chandler: Point noted. Consider it done!
Monica: Okay! Moving on..(Grabbing another present)… from Phoebe and Mike!
(They are two identical baby sized woolen hats- Pink and Blue in colour)
Monica: Oh these are so sweet! Thank you!
Phoebe (smiling): You’re welcome!
Monica(Taking another present in hand): And this one’s from Joey!
(Joey smiles and appears excited.)
Monica: There’s no poultry in there right?
(Monica opens the present and a warm smile spreads across her face as she sees it. It’s a framed picture of the sextet- Chandler, Monica, Ross, Rachel seated on the couch, Joey and Phoebe on the side arms, all looking very happy. Intrigued by Monica’s immediate lack of reaction, everyone except Joey gathers around to look at the frame.)
Joey: You like it?
Monica: I love it! Oh Joey thank you so much!
Joey: Look I know that you are starting a whole new life away from us and all. But I don’t ever want you to forget how much fun the six of us have had together and how those have been the best 10 years of our life… at least they were for me…
Monica(hugging Joey): Of course not, Joe. It’s all in here (pointing to her heart)
Joey(eyeing doubtfully): In there?
(Guess what Joey mistook it for 😉
Monica (rolling her eyes): In my heart, Joe.
Joey(awkwardly): Of course heh.
(But the moment was lost! All smile and head towards the kitchen.)
(The table is set with all 8 people somewhat crammed around it. The twins’ bassinet is beside Monica. Both the infants are fast asleep)
Rachel: You know, you guys are sooooo lucky to have such peaceful babies! Emma used to remind me of her presence every ten minutes when she was this small!
Monica: Yeah, but I think it was more of you who reminded me of your presence every ten minutes! You could hardly ever manage her by yourself!
Rachel (Embarassed): You are good at it.
Jack: I think Harmonica has got it from her mother. She would never let Ross out of her sight when he was this small.
Judy: Oh, the racket he made! I used to think my ears would pop out!
Ross (Sarcastically): Thanks mom.
Judy (Holding his hand): Don’t worry dear, I enjoyed every moment of it.
Monica (Indignantly): And when I was this small?
Judy: Oh well, you were very quiet. We seriously thought you had mutism untill you suddenly uttered ‘Mama’ with your high pitched voice!
Jack: Sometimes we feel you are still trying to make up for not using your voice for the first two years of your life!
Monica(in a pitch octave higher than her usual loud voice): It’s not that bad!
(The twins begin to cry.)
Ross: There you go! I must say my niece and nephew are gonna be very smart.
(Annoyed, Monica mocks him like a mime)
Ross: Oh are you losing your voice again? Please don’t do that! Only bats will be able to hear you 2 years later.
(All laugh. Phoebe laughs so hard that some of the drink enters her nostrils. She begins to cough, while Joey thumps her back.)
Monica (triumphant): Looks like someone’s karma bit them in the butt!
Phoebe (now recovered): Don’t get me started on karma!
Ross: Yeah don’t… or you’ll never hear the end of it!
Monica: Like one of your lectures, dinosaur guy?
Ross(smiling): Much worse.
Rachel: Oh honey, I don’t think any thing can be worse than your lectures! Oh yes! (With newfound excitement in her voice.)
Ross (Surprised): What?
Rachel: I know how we can quiet down Emma without having to sing Baby got back to her! We can put on a tape of one of your lectures!
Judy: You sing Baby got back to your 2 year old daughter?! Jack, I told you it was a bad idea from the beginning!
Ross: What are you talking about?
Jack (uncomfortable): Well, it was very difficult to quiet you down once you started crying, so we..
Judy (interinterrupting): You
Jack: Alright I did some experiments… and… well there was this song I had loved as a teenager…I don’t exactly recollect the words…oh yes it went…I wanna f-…
Judy (loudly interjecting): We don’t need the exact words. Let’s just say it was Baby got back of our time. It worked like a charm, I must say!
Rachel (smug): Now we know who Emma got it from!
Ross: So what did you do about it?
Judy: We mixed lyrics with a nursery rhyme so that it made no sense anymore.
Monica: Oh, oh, so his favourite nursery rhyme was this song?!
Ross: Now I know why nursery is the only grade where I had to take summer school!
Joey: You took summer classes in preschool! Dude! That must’ve been like a world record! Even I didn’t need summer school untill middle school and even then I used to be like the only one!
Chandler: And you want us to call you a doctor?
Ross (now crimson): Well you never do call me one anyways…
Phoebe: And now we never will Rossie!
The lawn outside Monica and Chandler’s home
(A lot of people have gathered around and are chatting with one another at Monica and Chandler’s housewarming party.)
Chandler (disengaging himself from a conversation with their neighbor): Yes, Mon?
Monica: Do you think we are cheating?
Chandler: Cheating? On whom?
Monica: On our old friends?
Monica: By making new ones and hanging out lesser with our guys?
Chandler: No! There’s nothing wrong in making new friends honey! And we are not leaving our old guys! Plus, who said they have to be mutually exclusive?
Monica: What do you mean?
Chandler: Look around Mon. Our guys are being friends with our new friends as well! Ross wept atleast thrice about how good neighbours we have. Rachel (pointing out to her) is already hunting potential customers… (She catches Chandler’s eye and gives a thumbs up).. there! Her new customer! Phoebe and Mike have already found a couple who frequently visit their bar..I mean they knew each other much longer than we know them..And look at Joey! Hang on. Where’d he go?
Monica (suspicious): When did you last see him?
Chandler: He had been busy talking to Natasha!
Monica (alarmed): The widow or her daughter?
Chandler: Daughter of course! Uh oh…(connecting the dots.)
Monica (exclaiming): I just put new bedsheets in Joey’s room! I’ll be right back!
(heading inside the house.)
Ross and Rachel’s apartment
Ross (glancing through some sketches drawn by Rachel): Wow! These are amazing! Why didn’t you ever show me any of this stuff?
Rachel(Blushing): I don’t know. It seemed childish, something like a hobby!
Ross: And the woman in it is hot!
Rachel: That’s your sister, you jackass!
Ross(Embarassed): Oh, it’s Monica? When did you sketch these? She is super thin!
Rachel: Actually… it was all before Barry proposed. I was getting all these ideas in my head like I should just escape from there and create a new life here in New York. That’s when I also thought of Monica. I was actually fantasizing becoming a fashion designer and having my own outlet… I wanted my designs to flash in a gala, even at Paris fashion week! But then Barry proposed and I just let it go deciding it was never meant to be…
Ross: Why do you think so less of yourself Rach? You are capable of so much more than you let yourself believe.
(Rachel smiles warmly at him but frowns a while later as she notices something from the window)
Rachel: Hey look! There’s new people in Monica and Chandler’s old apartment!
Ross: Oh yeah…
(Both look through their window to see a young couple of around 25 as they seem to be taking in their new home)
Ross (smiling): Oh I remember that look. I had the same one when I first entered my old apartment with Carol. Starting a new life… the feeling of finally having a happily ever after… that is, until your wife tells you she’s gay.
Rachel (smiling sadly): Yeah… It will just take me some time you know… to see strangers in what had been my home for 6 years!
Ross: Yeah…I miss not seeing Mon too… well except for some moments for which I’m very glad they are miles away!
Rachel: Oh look! They are not alone!
(4 more people are now seen in the apartment. They greet each other and are laughing very hard and carelessly at apparently nothing.)
Ross: It’s reminds me of us. Oh they look so carefree and happy-go-lucky…
Rachel: Yeah… I guess it’s about time we handed the beacon. It’s their time now…their time to occupy the orange couch and have the best time of their life…
(Both smile and embrace the other into a hug as they watch the people who had seemed strangers just a minute ago, but now seemed much more familiar, almost as if they were watching their own past in nostalgia)
(Scene is in Ross and Rachel’s apartment. Both are seated on the couch. Emma is in Ross’s arms, sleeping)
Ross (Taking a deep breath): Okay, here we go. One…Two…Three..
(Ross moves Emma to wake her up, who begins to cry almost immediately.)
Rachel: And here we go!
(She presses a button on the music system. Ross’s voice is heard droning about some dinosaur in the Jurassic Era. Both anxiously watch over Emma, whose eyelids begin to droop and she begins to quiet down within 5 seconds.)
Rachel: Oh my God! It’s working. Yes!
Ross: I can’t believe I sound so boring!
(Another 10 seconds pass. Emma is now completely asleep.)
Ross (whispering): Mission accomplished, Rach! Rach?
(He looks at his side to find Rachel snoring gently.)
Ross (drowsy himself): Boy, this does have some serious side effects!
(Turns his head and sleeps himself. The tape is still on and the trio asleep)
(End of scene.)
(End of episode.)